The five days it took Aidan to travel from Shauna’s little village to his home in the far north were the worst days of his life. Worse than being held prisoner by demons, worse than being staked by a vampire-hating fanatic, worse even that that dreadful moment when his daughter had been kidnapped by the demon Asmodeus. Because through all those things Flame Song had been there to help him, to stand by his side, and now he was going to lose her forever.

He found himself replaying that evening over and over, plotting out an endless series of might-have-beens in his mind. But worse than that was when he imagined what lay ahead. He would return home and Flame Song would know something was wrong. She would ask him and he would tell her. He couldn’t lie to her, even if he tried she would see through it, she would know. So he would tell her the whole story, and when she heard it, she would look at him with pain in her eyes, and then she would turn away and tell him to go. And he would go. He would leave her forever, and after that nothing else would matter.

He wouldn’t go back to Shauna. Perhaps he might return to Aerievale and live with Thomas again. Maybe he would die in a gutter in Aerievale as he nearly had as a boy. It made no difference. Without Flame Song, death was as good as life, better even, for if he were dead he wouldn’t feel the pain of loss. He thought for a time about simply killing himself before he reached home. It would be a simple matter, just make sure he was in direct sunlight and take his amulet off. Flame Song would never know of his betrayal. But no, that was the coward’s way out. He had to face her, to tell her. After that perhaps he would end things, but she deserved to know the truth.

He didn’t hurry, but eventually he reached his home. He landed late one evening a little ways away from the low hill that covered their underground home. A thin wisp of smoke trailed up into the sky from the hidden chimney. The entry passage to the front door was a dark square in the hillside. He stared for a long time before he finally walked slowly forward and entered the tunnel. He felt old, tired, and heavy. The earth above him seemed to press him down, and his heart felt like it had turned to lead and was lying in his stomach. He felt as though he was lifting a heavy weight to raise his hand to the latch and open the door.

Light flooded over him, accompanied by the sounds of home. Firedart’s voice was raised in a childish tantrum, and Littlespark was singing loudly, trying to drown him out. Flame Song’s rich bardic alto was soothing the boy, talking him down out of whatever crisis he was having. Aidan felt his heart breaking all over again. This might be the last time he heard the ordinary noises of his family. Flame Song looked up at the sound of the door opening and her eyes lit up.

“Aidan,” she said, and the tone of her voice was loving and welcoming. He felt the shards of his broken heart ripping him to pieces inside at the sound of it. She stood up to greet him, and immediately noticed his utter dejection and heartbreak, not to mention his lack of a shirt. “Aidan, what happened?”

He opened his mouth to tell her, and he couldn’t. The words just wouldn’t come out. Firedart stopped his tantrum and looked at his father. Phoenixflare, his brother, was sitting quietly before the fire, and he too, turned his amber eyes on Aidan. Littlespark also fell silent, and looked at him. Aidan felt all their eyes on him like a weight. Again he tried to speak, and couldn’t. Flame Song realized something was very wrong and, turning to Littlespark she said, “Spark, can you keep an eye on your brothers for me? Your father and I need to talk.”

“Yeah Mom,” said Littlespark.

Flame Song came over to Aidan and gently took his hand. She led him into the bedroom and firmly shut the door. Aidan numbly sat down on the bed. Flame sat next to him and took his hand in hers. He flinched at the soft touch.

“Aidan, what is it? What happened to you?”

“I…” again he could not find the words.

“Did something happen during your visit with your friend?” she asked, trying to get him talking.

At last he found something he could say. “No. Everything went fine with Thomas.”

“Then something happened afterward?”

“Yes.”

“Tell me about it,” she said. “Just start when you left Aerievale and tell me what happened.”

Yes, he could do that. He began to speak, telling the story slowly, haltingly. He stared down at the polished wood floor, his eyes never meeting hers. His voice was flat and he felt a kind of numbness coming over him, dulling the pain. He described how he’d been shot, and how Shauna had rescued him. Then he reached the point of his awakening in her house and his voice faltered. “I… I don’t know how to say what… I… she… I had lost so much blood, I was so hungry, and she was too close. I… I took from her, and…” he stopped again. He simply could not say it.

Flame Song said softly, “Was taking her blood all that you did?”

He closed his eyes and said in a whisper of anguish, “No.”

“I see.” Flame Song’s own voice went flat as she tried to hold in the sudden hurt. Aidan looked up slowly and the broken-hearted look in her eyes was a hundred times worse than he had imagined. He dropped his eyes before he could see her turning away from him in rejection. There was a long uncomfortable silence, neither one able to think of anything to say.

“I… I’ll go get my things together and leave,” Aidan said at last, rising and taking a step toward the door. He felt a horrible numbness creeping over him. Flame Song was so much a part of his heart, without her there was nothing to feel. His body had died on the long ago night when he had become a vampire, but now his soul was dying too and there remained nothing left to live for.

“Please,” her voice stopped him. He could hear the heartbreak in it. “Please Aidan, don’t go.” Aidan turned around and looked at Flame Song. He felt an ache in his chest as if his long-stilled heart was trying to beat again. The expression on her face mirrored the ache that he felt, and tears gathered in her eyes as her heartfelt words poured out. “I won’t say this doesn’t hurt, you would know I was lying. It hurts. It hurts more than anything I’ve ever felt. But I just can’t, I can’t. I make a joke of it, we both do, that I can’t live without you, but it’s nothing more than the truth. Please, if you go what reason do I have for living? I…” she hesitated and the tears began to flow down her cheeks. “I told you a long time ago that I can only give my heart once, and I’ve given it to you. You have it to break if you want to. You could… you could be with someone else a hundred times and my heart would still be yours. Please, I can’t stop you from going if you want to but…”

“Flame Song,” Aidan said her name gently, softly, with heartbreak and hope mingled in his voice. “I won’t go. If you had wanted me to go I would have gone, and what happened to me after that I didn’t care, but if you will take me, I don’t want to leave. I love you. I’ve been weak and a fool, but I don’t want to leave you. I can’t live without you either.” Tears were streaming down his own face as he said, “I’m so sorry, can you ever forgive me?”

She threw her arms around him and he held her close, wrapping his wings around them both in a cocoon of white feathers, and it was a very, very long time before either of them let go.