Back in his room he crawled into the bed and curled up. Gods. How could I have done that? I just assaulted somebody and drank his blood! He shuddered and curled tighter. He felt sick thinking about it. But at the time it had been so good... No! How can it feeling good be a justification? That's not right, by that logic rape is all right. But no... I didn't do this just because it felt good, I had to, or else... or else what? Or else I'd die? But I don't know that. Surely there has to be some other way! I can't do this. Gods. Every five days? I don't see how I could go longer than this. But having to attack someone every five days... Maybe I should try to go longer? But then I might take too much and kill someone. He shuddered again. That's the justification I need, assault is better than murder, right? But attacking somebody so often... how can I do this? It's not right! Maybe... maybe if someone has to die it should be me.

He held his hand out again, and looked at his wrist. Would cutting it kill him? He remembered when Jake had attacked him. He had felt as though he'd died, and in a way he had, but he'd still lived, still been aware even. Cutting his wrists would probably do nothing more than weaken him. He'd have to... what? Stake himself through the heart? How do you kill a vampire? All I know is stories, myths. I don't know what's real and what isn't. I guess I'll have to learn, whether I decide to live or not.

He closed his eyes. Dawn was approaching. He would be able to sleep soon, to rest through the day. He slept deeply now, and without dreams. He wasn't sure if he could wake up during daylight, the tiredness that came over him when the sun rose was so profound. He was glad of it. It was the only peace he had found since Jake had attacked him. And, in truth, the only peace he had found in months before that. But before he could dwell on how miserable his life had been the sun finally inched above the horizon and profound stillness crept over him, dragging him down to a utter blackness in which he knew nothing.